I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
