I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
