is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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