Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
