how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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