We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Randomize
