i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
