I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize