I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
