Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
i believe in u and ur pee
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
