Is it because I queefed?
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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