There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I love having hate sex.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
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