He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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