he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
