How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
