I murdered the dance floor call the cops
my vag is so smooth its legendary
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
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