Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
