It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
where are my eyebrows?
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
