doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
