have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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