I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
