too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
