omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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