YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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