You're so nebulous sometimes
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Drunk walkin through police station. America
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
