Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
