So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
