the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
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