I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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