The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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