Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
