And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
It's never too late to be topless.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
