did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
