I can't breathe out the right side of my face
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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