Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Randomize
