Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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