First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Randomize
