The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
porn star boner night. come get it.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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