I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
