sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Randomize
