whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
