her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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