No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
