i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
