dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
