Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
