i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
