Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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