Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize