There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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