the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
FUCK WHALES
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
