his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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