TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
