yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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