the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
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