that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
