So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
