you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
