The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
