There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
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