We're like a lot better than the average bears
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Randomize
