Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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