We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
