We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
