you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
