Im at strip club and am horny
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
