I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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