how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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