I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
