i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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