my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
