why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
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