I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
